Read my previous post. It is To Be Continued.
Read my previous post. It is To Be Continued.
Exactly a year ago, I quit a job in search for something I dreamed. I initiated the journey and it was seemingly falling into place. People would congratulate me for my eagerness and dedication. I of course did not see it that way, for me it was just doing my job while accomplishing a dream. Shortly before the completion of a rigorous requirement, I get sent out to the ER for reproductive issues, so that meant bed rest and every 48 hours follow ups with my Dr. My physical energy, mental well ness and social bonds were all shaken. I not only lost some of the hard earned bond with my children as I went through this job requirement, but I also saw my dream fly away from my hands. The people that were supposed to be my rock were, but one, my husband. He subconsciously dominated my situation, knowing that I would be out of a job and would need support from him. In some ways he felt powerful, because he saw me so vulnerable. That was devastating for me. And dreadful for my kids, for I did not have the capacity to keep them engaged. I cried like I never did before. I stop sleeping (I’m known to love my sleep), I was not hungry for anything, not even for food. I began to withdraw socially and hopelessness and helplessness became my best friend. I remember one night feeling so miserable (those happened at least three times), that the overwhelming feeling took me up to my kitchen counter and staring at my knives on the wall. I thought of ending my misery. Each time I grabbed a knife, I thought how ways to not fail at doing what I wanted to do. I also thought of the scene I would leave behind for my kids, parents to see. I did not want that. I thought of the pain I would cause my kids. It hurt to think that I would never be able to hug my little guy again... and someone that weakness of mine turned me from that thought. Tho, while all this, in my most humble cry to god, I would ask him to give me strength. Fast forward, some weeks, i drove out to spend the night somewhere else than my lonely home, and as I am driving through a rural area- a song comes on the radio. It is ‘I need you now (how many times) by @plumbmusic and I can’t help to once again cry my ❤️out. TBC
I’ve never experienced love the way I do now. It’s like one day I thought I understood the meaning of love And the next day love was proven to me. Love is so fulfilling, because I lost my job, my marriage and even the bond with my kids. But the love that was proven to me by Him, has filled me with hope, joy, and wanting to fight a stronger fight. How powerful is that....his love. I never imagined I would be talking this way, I have always felt equipped well enough and felt like I was on the right path. How lost was I? It was not until about the end of September that I got a bible and began to read it. Shockingly a sign told me to read Job first. It made an impact on me. I got to my knees and cried my self out. I’ve never experienced something alike. I felt like I needed more of that feeling. Slowly, I’m reading his word and slowly I feel an inner transformation. I can’t believe I became a skeptic for so long, that was a factor that created the misery I was living despite having all material things I wanted. I’m so grateful for Your grace! It’s so moving and inspiring to understand the meaning of true unconditional love. Thanks to @johnkennedyvaughan for explaining that love is not a feeling, rather a choice. #god #godfirst #holy #holyspirit #father #myrock #mysavior #faith #hope #willpower #goodintentions #broken #dark #suicide #mylight #dios #love #diosesamor #unconditionallove #healing #strength #life #yoga #growth #choices #power #truelove #eyesopen #humanity #girl
Growing up, I faced many challenges that did not break me until my adulthood. Although I grew up going to church and celebrated my first communion when I was 8. I never really felt a connection with God, until just 4 months ago- That several unmiracles happened which slowly have been redirecting me to God’s word. I have been restoring my relationship with Him and that relationship, has been healing and slowly been filling me with hope and strength. I would not be here to tell, if that were not true. I finally realized that good intentions are not enough. Willpower is not enough. I needed another source of power. I needed God! And I will be eternally grateful for his grace and for being a gentleman and waiting for me. #god #godfirst #holy #holyspirit #father #myrock #mysavior #faith #hope #willpower #goodintentions #broken #dark #suicide #mylight #dios #love #diosesamor #unconditionallove #healing #strength #life #yoga #growth #choices #power
Remember, you can eat the kale. Drink the alkaline water. Do yoga. Take the supplements. Go to church. But if you don’t deal with the hang ups in your head and heart, the you are still unhealthy. I am healing and want to share my journey. I will unfold more details with each post. #yoga #healthy #spiritual #god #godfirst #love #heart #meditation #health #jesus #motivation #hope #faith #healing #peace #nature #universe